All posts tagged: vulnerability

The Anatomy of Trust

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Brené Brown, who is a researcher and best selling author whom I greatly admire, recently offered a free course called “The Anatomy of Trust”.  I decided to “take” it (it is online, link at bottom).  I found out some things about myself, and realized I have areas to work on, and areas to pat myself on the back.  But she breaks trust down using this definition, which I find really helpful: “Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.”  (Charles Feltman) This is important, as we should give our complete trust to people who we feel can honor our vulnerability.  I only have a few friends and a husband who I can say fit all these criteria. And that is true of most people as you look at the acronym and think about who in your life you trust.  Do they meet these criteria? Here is how she breaks it down, using the acronym of BRAVING to define the components of when to trust someone and also …

Can 36 Questions Help You Fall in Love?

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I watched an amazing TED talk the other day and was totally intrigued by her story and an article she’d stumbled on in her research that posed 36 questions.  The questions were meant to help university students bond with each other, and was written in ’97 by faculty at various universities (see original link below). What she found, is that some of the couples/pairings from the study not only became closer, they actually fell in love, one couple even getting married.  Then she did it with a close friend, and guess what?  They fell in love.  So she wrote about it and it went viral.  And her TED talk is the aftermath of what she learned. Her story is much better told by listening to her TED talk, which I’ve placed here.  You can scroll down immediately for the link to the “36 questions”, but I encourage you to watch her talk.  If you don’t have a partner/spouse, consider doing it with your best friend, roommate, or anyone you’d like to feel closer to.  You …

Do you expect the impossible?

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I remember when I was newly married with three small boys, I was often frustrated when my husband didn’t do the things that I thought would really help me.  I expected a mind reader.  Guess what?  None of us, no matter how well we communicate, can read our partner’s minds.  One partner often has the stance “if he/she really loved me he’d know what I want”.  Well, if you’re in sync, and you have great communication that may happen more often, but it really isn’t fair.  As women or men we take BACK our power when we ask for what we need.  Yes, we empower ourselves and we strengthen our partnerships.  Anger destroys trust, goodwill and any strengthening.  You might feel vindicated, but it gets you only momentary relief.  And the relationship worsens.  Ask yourself “what do I want here?” Here’s a specific example of what I mean:  (insert any common request/need into the parenthesis) “It would really help me tonight if you’d (give the kids their baths, read bedtime stories, take Jimmy to soccer).  …

Are you “on fire” and don’t know it?

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I can’t tell you how under-diagnosed inflammation is.  And it is one of the main keys to staying healthy.  If your body has chronic inflammation going on, you can not function at your peak and you’re at risk for cancer, heart disease and stroke.  And getting older doesn’t mean you have to deal with this or “put up with it”.  You can reverse it!  The common myth is that as we age, we are certain to ache and be stiff in the morning.  NO!   One of my favorite authors Kris Carr put it succinctly: …There’s a silent (yet violent) kind of inflammation that can take place without you even knowing it. What you eat, drink, and think (stress!), environmental toxins, smokin’, booz- in’, and even a couch-potato lifestyle can create a fiery cascade of inflammation in your body. When your body hits an inflammatory overload, your defense system gets so overwhelmed and confused that it literally doesn’t know the difference between the invader and you. As a result, your well-meaning immune system turns on …

Surgery and Vulnerability

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I probably should let everyone know how I’m doing.  I had surgery on September 3, when it was discovered I had a “massive” tear in my right rotator cuff (see my previous post for more info on what THAT is… ugh)  My husband had this done 6 years ago, so he knew I was in for a long haul.  His job required using his rotator cuff for heavy lifting, and it was four months before he could go back to work. It is these kinds of events that cause reflection on one’s life, and test marriages.  I’m not writing about “wellness” today, but instead about emotional wellness, and being vulnerable. So the lowdown is I’m fine, had a MASSIVE tear. (Imagine my surprise when my actual operative consent read “Repair of Massive Right Rotator Cuff Tear”).  Oh yippee, I’ll sign up for this!  Part of my brain was screaming, “Leave, Run! This is gonna really hurt! Danger Will Robinson, Danger!”  If I had really known what the loss of my right hand for a month …